things are starting to slow down.. and some questions really sparked my thoughts this time round. i dont want to lie about it.
maybe i've been too busy, occupying my time with meaningless things, i didn't stop to really think hard about everyone back home.
so far i've been so cool about things. no feelings towards anything whatsoever. no love, no sadness, no happiness. just ok with anything, everything. i feel so strong that nobody can hurt me even if they try. i seriously did not know when all these creeped up to me. it gets annoying at times. makes me feel like stabbing myself to see if i feel pain. becos i feel so cold, when i really like to be warm. i used to cry alot. but now, i think i make others cry.. this is insane.
but coming back to think of it,
i do miss being home watching tv with my family.
i do miss being in his arms, and the security he gives me just by being there for me, never giving up loving me.
i do miss pigging out and being stupid/crazy with my frens.
i do miss eating my fav fish beehoon with the 19yearolds after church on sundays.
i do miss e little children i teach. wonder how they would look like when i go back man. will they still remember jie jie weiping? hahaha..
slowly typing all these out made me re-live some feelings.
yes i feel it coming back.
break the wall around my heart oh Lord. make my heart fragile again.
i am not a robot. i am a human.
i have senses. i can love.
let me break free.
let me feek real again.
