its just ringing in my head. am i a spoilt kid? mabe i'm more pampered than spoilt.
thinking back as a kid. i had almost everything i wanted. i ask and i'll have it. but since that age. i knew how to think. to buy or not to buy. i dun cry like children at shopping centres do becos dey cannot buy something. [mabbe. i was able to buy everything. hais...] i never tried asking for anything expensive. unless its really useful or something. well. thats wad i think.
wads wrong. it doesn't mean we cant be tgt. hdbs are good. dere's food and shops downstairs. i know. i've lived in bishan before. it doesn't define anything. not the future.
i'm not spoilt. ahhhhh. i'm not. mabe i am. just moderate. arrghhagrh. i duno.
i hate this.
i have not studied at all. almost nothing. it feels i've given up on everything. its just so tough to go on. i really really cannot take A levels. its like phobia of math. and i feel so guilty towards God. it justs goes in a cycle. and i keep going down. i cant trust Him becos i feel i did not earn his trust in me. i feel bad. i did not earn his trust cos i'm a bad bad girl and he's not happy with me.
i know his grace is really great. but i'm so ashamed. i dont want to take things for granted. keep repeating my mistake and den God will forgive me. but it seems i cant get out of the cycle to a point. i'm so ashamed. i dare not ask for his favour. hais..
think i'm uttering nonsense. i'm just so angry with myself, i start throwing tantrum at other people. i really dont want to study anymore. =[
