back from church camp.
everyday there was little sleep. so i kept dozing off at almost all e sermons. i felt really bad. seems like there's a stronghold ever since the holidays started. i would have totally irregular sleep and timings and i wld feel so lethargic during sermons. and would always want prayers and worship to end quick. i cant concentrate during worship and sometimes cant bring myself to sing God is great. i'm totally upset why i'm feeling this way.
i know why. its becos i keep seeing myself being in a bad situation. and feel dat He is not doing anything. but its actually me who is not doing anything. i'm always very happy to be in my comfort zone and i want to stay this way. refusing to take the first step. things goes in a cycle again and again and i just feel defeated and i give up.
i see the difference between people like me. who's still very stuck and distracted with worldy things. and people who has so much fire burning for God.
e difference is to do QT daily, willingly. for people like me. we only do when we have time. and even feel compelled to. sometimes its even uncomplete. we are unable to sacrifice sleep and work to do QT. when we dont sacrifice anything. nothing will come back to us.
i want to break free. i want a stronger mind. i'm prayed for. and i must believe its already done. i must take that leap of faith. i want to shine for God's glory. i dont want people to look at me and say. "u mean she's a christian? she don't act like one."
back to church camp. a guy in walking stick for a few years managed to walk without it after a healing prayer. he even went a few hours of shopping the next day. he said he felt someone massaging his legs. so he thought it was the pastors. but when he opened his eyes and looked. he saw no hands. he was afraid. can u imaging God massaging u? it wld be scary, but also cool. hahas.
so people said.. oh he prolly could have walked before without the stick. yes. i agree he prolly could. but it wld only be a few steps. how can he go shopping? yes. praise the lord.
and then there were testimonies that in other countries i forgot which. south africa? that there were hundreds of raise the dead cases. people dont believe in Him becos they think that life on earth is the main purpose of living. to do good and not harm people. oh well. i really hope my parents accept christ soon. its nice to see christian families in chuch. dey're just so loving.
i've been thinking about this thing. why people see having dinosaurs is a prove dat the bible is a lie. its just lame. God made the animals before adam and eve. so why cant dinosaurs exist before us?
and the da vinci code. its already stated that its fiction. so if we ban the book the movie and all that. won't it just create more hoo haa about it. we shouldn't be scared. if people watch the movie and try to find out the truth. they wld realise that God is real. just dont understand the big fuss about things when it can actually be so simple. they are just my views. mabe i'm simple minded.
i used to think why God will be angry at us and stuff since he was so perfect. and then someone told me God created us in his own likeness. means the emotions that we have. God also have. but we have received so much grace becos Jesus died on the cross for us.
and my cell leader said speaking in tongues is a escalator to God. without, its just the staircase. with or without. God doesn't love u any less. But its out own desire to which whether we want to draw closer to God faster to form a stronger relationship. and all the great things the holy spirit has done, healing the sick and raising the dead. why believe in the bible halfway?
i hope i did not offend anyone. i'm just speaking what i hear and what i think its right.
oh yes. and church camp. only did shopping and bought 2 collared shirts at body glove. a surf brand like ripcurl all that. cool. 1st piece at 10% off and second at 50% off. singapore where got so generous. seldom dere wld be 50%. and if there wld be one. the stuff wont be good. but bodyglove stuff. how can not good. haha.
other than that. things were relatively of same price. and e converse shoe i wanted to buy? was 20 sing dollars cheaper than singapore. cos its like clearance sale. But no size! ahh.. i realise my feet is smaller than a size 3. oh my.
den we want to play go cart. but on our off day. it rained heavily. so we couldn't really do anything except shop again. haha. the guys managed to drive a few rounds round the track tho. it was funny. looking at them get stuck and bang into the wheels that acted as e fence. the wheels flew outta place man. haha.
and i din study at all. there just really wasn't time to. this spells big trouble.
oh yes. and we ate chee chong fun for supper everynight. haha. the food nearby the hotel was just good good.
and yea did i get closer to my church frens.
i cant wait for e nx one. where we can just go without worrying about our studies. weeee.
